Raising Miss M: The Journey of Understanding and Advocacy

Miss M is our firstborn, the one who made me a mother back in 2011. As she grew, we navigated the uncharted waters of parenting, assuming that everything she did was just part of childhood. But now, looking back, I see that there were many signs—signs we missed—that hinted at challenges beyond the typical experiences of growing up. At the time, these moments felt difficult to manage, but we didn’t fully understand what they meant.

The Little Signs We Overlooked

While each of these signs may seem small in isolation, together they painted a picture we didn’t yet recognize:

• The Sock Struggles – From a very young age, Miss M found socks unbearable. She would spend ages adjusting them, moving the seam at the toes, and eventually throwing them across the room in frustration. Screaming fits were common, and many times we simply left the house without socks or even shoes.

• An Obsession with “Let It Go” – Like many kids, she loved the song from Frozen, but for Miss M, it was different. She created an entire dance routine for the song, fully dressed in her Elsa costume—complete with the crown and gloves. If she wasn’t positioned exactly right during her performance, she would start over from the beginning. This went on for hours each day, with unwavering dedication to getting everything just right.

• Doing Things in Her Own Time – Miss M followed her own timeline. No amount of pushing or persuading could rush her when she wasn’t ready.

• Friendship Struggles – As she grew, her social interactions became more complicated. She wanted to be part of every situation, often stepping in to help or defend friends. While this came from a place of deep caring, it sometimes made friendships more challenging.

• Difficulty with Perspective-Taking – She struggled to see situations from others’ points of view. If she didn’t feel a certain way about something, she assumed no one else did either.

• The Coke Bottle Effect – Every day after school, Miss M would come home and explode. I call it the “coke bottle effect”—all day, she masked her emotions, holding everything in until she reached the safety of home, where the pressure became too much. This often led to yelling, throwing things, and even hitting us.

• Resistance to Change – Any change in routine was met with intense resistance. Even the mention of a possible plan could set her off if it later changed. To her, this felt like betrayal, and the response was always BIG BEHAVIORS.

• Different Perceptions of Conversations – What we said and what she heard were often two very different things. Misunderstandings were frequent, and her emotional responses could be intense.

The Struggles of Seeking Support

One of the hardest parts of this journey has been seeking support and not always getting the help we needed. When we reached out to health professionals and even the school, we were often met with doubt, as if we were imagining things. I still vividly remember when Miss M was in grade 1, and the school offered the Triple P Parenting course. It required attending multiple evening sessions, and I was hopeful it might provide some guidance.

At the time, I had a conversation with the school’s guidance officer about the Struggles and aggression Miss M displayed towards me and her dad. She seemed concerned and had suggestions, but then we never heard from her again. It was disheartening. As a parent of a neurodiverse child, working up the courage to raise your concerns—despite knowing you might be judged—is hard enough. But when that effort is met with silence or inaction, it only amplifies the feeling of being alone in the journey.

It was not until Miss M was in year 5 that we began receiving numerous calls from the school. They would tell me that Miss M was continually standing up for her friends in situations that were occurring. Yes, sometimes these issues had nothing to do with her, but that is just who she is. She has a deep sense of compassion and a unique ability to see things that neurotypical kids often don’t. Her strong sense of social justice is undeniable.

The school even told me, “We need to get Matilda to take a step back and not be involved in everything.” But as a parent—whether of a neurodiverse child or not—shouldn’t we be celebrating the fact that our child is standing up for what she believes in? To know that I am raising a child who will not be walked all over, who stands firm in her beliefs, is incredible. Especially in a world that often fails to see her for the bright, caring person she truly is.

And that is through me never giving up on my child, even when grown adults tell me I am being dramatic or overprotective. As parents, our job is to teach our children that we must fight for their rights and always be in their corner, no matter what. We also teach Miss M the importance of respecting her teachers and elders, but at the same time, she has shown us that sometimes, standing up for herself and others is just as important.

Learning and Moving Forward

Looking back, I wish we had known what these signs meant. Parenting Miss M has been a journey of learning and understanding. While we missed the signs back then, we see them clearly now. Every challenge has shaped her into the incredible person she is today, and we continue to support her in the ways she needs most.

Now, with Miss M being 13, she is actually teaching me so much about the world and her own struggles. The relationship we have now is amazing—she is truly my best friend. She comes to me with everything, never afraid of the consequences, because she knows we are in this together. I always remind her that the way her brain allows her to see the world is a gift, and at just 13 years old, she already views things in such a mature way.

Her dad and I are beyond proud of how far she has come, and I truly believe that finding Autism 360 and our incredible therapist through them has made a world of difference. (That whole program will get its very own blog post!)

If you’ve ever noticed similar struggles in your own child, know that you’re not alone. Sometimes, the things we dismiss as “just what kids do” are actually clues to something deeper. The more we learn, the better we can support and celebrate our children for who they truly are.

Let’s find our rhythm together. 💛